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Shout it at the top of my lungs

Discussion in 'Rant Threads' started by Xavirne, Jun 30, 2014.

  1. Xavirne

    Xavirne draғтed draғтed

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    [​IMG]
    { xavi's rant center }

    We all get stressed. We all get angry. We all cry.

    This is my vent-spot. My place where I let it all out.
    Walk in here knowing that these posts are NEVER about you.
    They will only be about my personal, physical life.
    Note that the views I reflect and believe are my own.
    I have been met with much opposition and conflict.
    I don't want to argue.
    I don't want you to tell me I'm wrong.
    I just want to let it all out and let it go.
    If you want, you can support me.
    If you want, you can chime in and join me.
    But please remember this is my place of sanctuary.
    My place to let it all out and feel free.
     
  2. Xavirne

    Xavirne draғтed draғтed

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    { 30th of June Rant }

    I had my first mental break down. My first panic attack.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2014
  3. Rogue

    Rogue ☢Pᴇʟᴠɪᴄ Sᴏʀᴄᴇʀʏ☢ adмιnιѕтraтor

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    I am typically not the type of person to be at a loss for words. I like to think that I always have just a snippet of wisdom tucked away in my pocket, waiting for the proper time to be executed. But as I read this, I find my pockets got lighter and lighter, and by the end, they're empty. This post horrified me, and I am genuinely concerned for you. However, I understand that feeling, that kind of unconditional love (or perhaps it's uncertainty) that keeps you by the side of a person who is knowingly causing you a large amount of harm. And I know what it feels like to still want to stay by their side, even as they have seemed to tear down any and everything that you have ever built up. Be it confidence, willpower, courage. And these people are toxic, as I am sure you know. And they use some kind of unseen power over us, and they use it to keep us broken (as evidenced by his hateful texts).

    But there is something that you hold over him as well, even if it is less noticable. It was a delayed text, but his final text, the hour later text, was desperation. He had gone from the fierce pit bull barking viciously at the gate and snapping his drooling jowls, to the shivering chihuahua pawing at the door. He is very, very aware of what he does to you. And as I can gleam from his final text, it seems that he knows the damage it can cause. After all, weaker people have killed themselves for less.

    However, I don't think he has a right to tell you to learn to be nice when he comes at you so aggressively, especially when you're having a panic attack. It seems like he has a thing or two to learn himself. Now, I don't know you, and I don't know Duke. So, I can't sit here and spew about how I know you're a sweetheart and you don't deserve it because you're so good to him or this that or the other. You may be, you may not be. The fact of the matter is, he has zero right to attack you that way, threaten you with him leaving. And he certainly has no right to come up behind you an hour later sounding apologetic. He seems (to me anyhow) to have an issue with his emotions and his anger. And he needs to learn to think about what his words may do to you before he says them. Because one day, there may not be anyone there or available to calm you down. And one day, it may be something worse than a panic attack.

    I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you need to leave him, gurl, and find you a new baby daddy, because I don't think that's something you don't know, and I'm certain it isn't what you need to hear right now. That strength will come in time, and what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. As cliche as that is, it is the God-given truth (whether you believe in God or not. I'm not incredibly religious myself.) And I am going to tell you that I am here as well, if you ever need to talk, chat or rant about anything. Of course, that is what these forum is for, this thread in general. But for those times when a thread just doesn't do it, a post doesn't seem to fit it, I am here. <3

    I hope you feel better, and I hope he learns that he can't treat you that way.
     
    Xavirne likes this.
  4. Xavirne

    Xavirne draғтed draғтed

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    Thank you so much for taking the time to read my rant and comment on it. It actually means a lot to know that my voice doesn't go unheard, like I feel it does when I speak to him. Sometimes it's really hard to find strength and courage, the willpower to keep fighting. I will openly admit that I did caused a lot of the shit that is in our relationship now. I was betrayed by a previous fling and have been carrying that baggage with me ever since. I am quick to anger and easy to hurt. I'm not always nice and I do have this thing for getting myself into a hard spot. I love the struggle, I love the challenge. But sometimes the battle becomes more than just a battle. It become a full-on war. And war isn't something I enjoy. It's taxing, it's exhausting, and it leaves both parties destroyed.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2014
    Rogue likes this.
  5. Xavirne

    Xavirne draғтed draғтed

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  6. Rogue

    Rogue ☢Pᴇʟᴠɪᴄ Sᴏʀᴄᴇʀʏ☢ adмιnιѕтraтor

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    I think you just found the issues to my life.
    O_____O;
     

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