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Yes, I would like some cheese with this whine

Discussion in 'Rant Threads' started by Taoist Panda, Jul 22, 2014.

  1. Taoist Panda

    Taoist Panda ѕcrιвe ѕcrιвe

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    So, I don't normally do rant threads but I have a migraine and I can't sleep because I'm so frustrated over something and I feel like I need to get it off of my chest.

    I have social anxiety that can be related to interactions I've had with people in my past, and my friends know that I do but don't know why. I mean; my number one hobby involves spending days in the wilderness by myself or playing video games. Sometimes I flake out of plans that involve social interactions with people that are not within my group, and I feel horrible about it. Anyone that has or knows someone with social anxiety can attest to that. It's like being on the other side of a door while someone is asking you to open it and you're on the other side trying to explain that you see the door, know how to open it, want to open it but just can't. I'm perfectly fine spending time at friend's houses or at parties where I know most of the people, but randoms put me on edge and trigger the anxiety.

    To combat this problem I've taken up more social hobbies like competitive Magic: The Gathering, and playing table-top war games like Warmachine. I invest a ton of money into these hobbies as a safety net. 'You spent the money, so you have to actually go out there and play the games,' I tell myself, but it still a challenge almost every time. I also rely on my friends as a crouch to sweeten the pot I guess you could say. I don't go to tournaments unless my friends are going (when I can overcome the anxiety at all) and a lot of the time I just fail miserably because my problem makes it hard to focus on the games.

    The problem I'm having now is that the friends that were unknowingly helping me overcome this issue are starting to alienate me because they are adopting an elitist mentality and view me as a lesser player (I'm really not as good as them) and this is transferring over into our non-game related interactions. Their obsession with the game and my apparent lack of interest in going to tournaments and playing in a public setting are creating a divide between us. One of these individuals has been my best friend since kindergarten and every time I feel alienated, subjugated I get very angry and push myself further away.

    An example of this was today when he and I were talking about going to an event for magic tonight. Originally I was actually willing to go because I needed to get cards from him and I wanted to see if the shop had other cards that I needed. A few hours later I developed a headache that turned into a migraine so I asked him if he could just drop off the cards on his way through. His response was 'No, gay' which in his own immature way is a joke normally, but he never showed up to drop off the cards. Now, my apartment is literally a hundred yards from the main road he takes to go to the shop so it would have taken him less than five minutes to drop the cards off for me.

    I'm so frustrated by this because this weekend a few of us are going to Boston for a Grand Prix which is like a regional tournament for Magic. I know I'm not good enough to be a contender even in my local meta but they needed someone to split costs with, so I said I would go. So there's me putting up money for something I know will be a disappointing and uncomfortable situation to make things easier for my friends, and one of them doesn't have the decency to take five minutes of time to drop of some cards for me.

    TL : DR

    I'm afraid of people and my friends who know it aren't helping.
     
  2. Arsenal

    Arsenal draғтed draғтed

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    I honestly have had many friends like that. They always want you to make things easier for them but they can never return the favor for you. I know about your condition, as we've spoken at length about it before but I would honestly say ditch them. It might inconvenience them but they need to honestly understand you and your issues. That's what makes them real friends. If they can't, then obviously they aren't. Also, it would in a way teach the guy that how he treats you isn't exactly kosher dawg. See friendship isn't a one way street. It isn't one person giving while the other person takes. You compromise, you meet in the middle, you go out of your way for your friends, even if it inconveniences you.

    TL; DR Fuck those guys mang.
     
  3. Xavirne

    Xavirne draғтed draғтed

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    You need a hug. I don't even care if it's awkward. You need one.

    ALSO YOU + BOSTON = SO CLOSE TO ME. WHY I NO KNOW THIS SOONER?!

    Erm, back on topic...

    You would think that your friends, being your friends, would understand who you are and respect you. It's odd to read that they're... well, doing that. Like don't they understand that they're just making things worse. I highly doubt it's their goal. It better not be. Honestly, if I were you, I would tell them to get off their high horses and get back to what matters most -- the friendship and fun. But I'm aggressive and loud and I also don't mind burning bridges; not sure this advice would work for you.

    Have you ever thought of just reaching out to that one friend and subtly hinting that you're upset with him? Men are all about joking, right? You could, if you're a joker, always roll into a comment like, "Did you walk to the store? Last time I checked I was pretty much on the way." And you could do things like, "Oh snap, we got a hardcore raging nerd in the house. When you're ready to get back to having fun, lemme know. I'll be over here laughing at how dumb you look with your nose in the air."

    Sometimes being sarcastic and silly is the best way to get people to realize they're being dicks. Again, that's just what I do. I've never been the type to really open up and tell someone that something hurts. I don't like admitting my faults or weakness. ^^;

    Or you could always ignore everything and just let them be. I highly doubt they are going out of their way to hurt you. What friends would do that? Perhaps you're reading into things wrong and just need to step back and just do what you need to do. You have your fun and, if they get too rough, tell them off. That's part of the charm with friends -- if they're really your friends, they'll come back even after you've been mean to them.

    Now, if you think that cutting them is best, then I guess ditch them. As someone who's ditched friends for reasons like this, I can tell you first hand that it sucks. I'll also tell you to think against it. Friends can be jerks. Hell, everyone can be a jerk. It takes time, patience, and practice to tolerate, accept, love someone. You just need to decide what matters most to you -- friends or dignity or money -- and go from there. If you want your friends, do what you need to do to keep them. If you want your dignity, eff your friends and do your own thang. If you want money, spend less or look for a new hobby (LARPing, outdoors groups, trail riding club, etc. -- though some of these might cost more, but it can introduce you to new people).
     

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